Is there a double standard?
Single women get pegged as always trying to find a man to marry. I am not of the belief that single men are so much better than single women. I have heard some popular ministers say things such as, “Single men don’t be running around here tripping about getting married.” My response: Some single men don’t have a problem being single because they like playing the field and dating multiple women. Some single men cannot see themselves committed to one woman for life. That is why they are not in a rush to get married. Of course they are not in a hurry to get married; they are getting all the benefits of marriage without the commitment of marriage. Women, STOP giving them the benefits without the commitment.
A lot of single men love being playboys, but I have also met my share of single men who are desperate to find the right woman. Men who go around prophesying that “God said you’re going to be my wife,” just what some women say about a man. My hat goes off to all of you single consecrated men and women of God who stand flat foot, refuse to bow to the devil, and are serving God with a pure heart.
This is not a battle of the sexes; both males and females have struggles when it comes to this area of purity and being single. This should never be a woman-bashing or male-bashing session. The word of God must be ministered fairly and in love toward all. Both men and women must take ownership for their own actions and be held accountable.
”Nevertheless to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
(1 Corinthians 7:2)
”But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”
(1 Corinthians 7:9)
To my fellow sisters in Christ: If a man is trying to take you to bed and you are not his wife, he does not respect you. Your body is the temple of God. I don’t care how much he compliments you, believe me, it’s a setup, and don’t believe the hype. He may say, “Girl, you are so fine! So sexy! You look so good! I’m just so attracted to you!” All this may be true, but if “you are all that and a bag of chips” why isn’t he trying to put a ring on your finger and make you his wife? Wake up, girl, look alive! He is just trying to get into your panties! It’s a game! You are smarter than that.
Don’t fall for the line “I’m a man and men are physical beings.” Real men are honorable.
Don’t give your body to a man who does not love and respect you enough to make you his wife. I mean really, haven’t you been down that road before and look where it has gotten you. This is not the time to have amnesia. Preserve your body for a well-deserving man, your future husband. When you give yourself over and over again, each time you give away a piece of your virtue. Save it for the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. It is a big deal. Stop saying it’s not. So what that everybody else is doing it–you’re not everybody else. Everyone will have to answer to the Lord. What will your answer be? Everybody else was doing it?
Whether you have children, whether you have had several sexual partners in the past, it doesn’t really matter. Today is a new day! You have a reason to smile and to hold your head up high. You have a reason to value yourself. Regardless of your past, let go of the shame and hurt because God gives you a clean slate.
And to the Men I Say…
Men, don’t fool yourselves into thinking you can be playboys and it doesn’t affect you, because it does. I’ve had conversations with men who say, as if it’s a revelation, that sex is better when you love the person. That means sex with someone you don’t love is not satisfying. It only satisfies your physical body, the same as scratching an itch. Deep inside, you know that it is wrong and you also feel used because you have given yourself to a woman who does not deserve to have your body in such a way. Men need to think on their actions too.
”I say then, walk in the Spirit, and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident which are adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
(Galatians 5:16-19)
Single men, as I mentioned before there is an apparent double standard on this issue and it is not just in the secular world but also in the Christian world. However, with God there is no such double standard. Single men are often given accolades for the more women they can have. They are labeled “the man” while the woman is labeled . . . well, you know the names. What you men may fail to realize is that fornication also has a negative effect on your lives. You are also left with emotional scars and guilt, shame, feelings of rejection, and other pain, not to mention that you are not immune from disease. How many men reading this book have no idea how many children they have fathered and are not going to be a part of their lives? Or perhaps you know that you have fathered children with a woman you don’t care for at all, and you don’t want any dealings with her. You have turned your back on your child or children; the things you must do to drawn out the pain. No matter what you tell yourself, you will one day have to stand before God and answer for why you discarded your children.
Contrary to popular beliefs, men don’t deal with being lonely very well at all. Many times that is why men are unfaithful in a relationship. Once they have determined the relationship to be over, men will often secure another relationship prior to walking away physically. I would even say that more men than women do not want to be single or take the time to get to know themselves; men will often spend their time being single dating, dating, and more dating–instead of getting themselves together.
Regardless of how the secular and Christian world may turn a blind eye to your behavior, God cannot and He will not turn a blind eye. He sees everything. Lying to yourself, telling yourself “I’m just a man,” is no excuses, brothers. Don’t you think that our Father knew you where men when He gave you His commandments to abstain from fornication? God will never give you a commandment that is impossible to keep. You have to stop being delusional because you know that you feel guilty and shameful. You know in your heart what you are doing is not right. Change and be transformed in your minds by the Word of God. Yes, God is full of mercy and grace, but grace and mercy do not give you a free pass to sin. You must turn to the Lord. Many men will even hold positions in the church knowing they are engaging in fornication and think it’s OK because at the moment lightning has not yet struck them dead. Chances are that won’t be happening, but judgment day is inevitable. Saying “I’m sorry, Lord, forgive me” and then continuing in your sins is not acceptable to God. Repentance means to turn from your sins and not to continue in your sins.
Let your minds be renewed by the Word of God, turn from your sinful ways and live for God. This is the only way you will have real peace. Are you a leader or a follower? Because if you are following sin, its wages are death, but if you are following the ways of God, His wages are life. Be a man with standards!
Let’s have a discussion
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